- parents: okay we will be home at 11 o'clock!
- clock: 11:01
- me: they're dead i'm alone i need to start my orphan life now
girls aren’t “easy”, girls don’t have difficulty levels. some girls like sex and some girls don’t. you aren’t winning anything by getting either of them to sleep with you.
Some girls only want sex after emotional closeness develops, but to call this “difficulty” says some really disturbing shit about what you think emotional closeness is for.
1 universe, 9 planets, 7 seas, 7 continents, 809 islands, 204 countries, and I had the unfortunate luck of meeting u
THERE ARE 8 PLANETS, YOU UNCULTURED SWINE.
VIVA LA PLUTO FUCK YOU
I’m pretty sure “Viva la Pluto fuck you” is the best sentence I’ve heard all week.
the truest comic ever
this is perfection
I was not expecting the last one
the truth about cowboys
is that Pharrell
MY GRANDMA GOT ALL A’S IN “ETIQUETTE” (YES THAT WAS AN ACTUAL CLASS IN HER HIGH SCHOOL) AND SHE TOLD ME, “DEAR,” SHE SAID,
“YOU NEVER CROSS YOUR LEGS, YOU CROSS YOUR ANKLES. BUT THE GREAT THING ABOUT YOU LIVING IN THIS GENERATION IS YOU DON’T HAVE TO FOLLOW MY GENERATION’S RULES. SIT THE WAY YOU WANT. IF SOMEONE LOOKS UP YOUR SKIRT, JUST TELL THEM YOUR AUNT MARY WILL KILL THEM.”
WHICH IS TRUE
MY AUNT MARY HAD A SWITCHBLADE IN A SPECIAL POCKET OF HER NIGHTGOWN UNTIL THE DAY SHE DIED
the moral of this story is
1. Sit the way you want.
2. My great aunt Mary was a fucking badass.
why doesn’t disneyworld have a kuzcotopia
Because they would have to destroy the homes of the locals to make room for it
that hasnt stopped any corporations before
[ anime antagonist voice ] i-impossible! this can’t be happening — where are you getting all of this power?!
[anime protagonist voice] from my friends. but you wouldn’t know about that, would you?!